I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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