Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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