I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
