i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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