You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
