The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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