do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
