So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
