After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
