I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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