My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
