You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
