she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
