I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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