Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
