maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Two words: nipple clamps
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