I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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