Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
