What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
