so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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