The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dicks are not precious.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
