She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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