That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
