so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
