I can text with my tongue
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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