he puts the penis in happiness.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's shark week go big or go home
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
