I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
