3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
