What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I want a musical about memes.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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