look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
