Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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