sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How external is "for external use only"?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
