Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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