I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
