My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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