My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
