We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
