I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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