I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
