When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
