btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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