You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
