you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
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four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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