I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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