Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you would pick up someone in the library
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
