Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Two words: blizzard sex
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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