So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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