Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
