This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
