3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
