I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
