i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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