Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
