it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
