Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
