its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You took a bar mat shot.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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