i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
