I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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