i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
