i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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