my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
