at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
