i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
