Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
