You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
