your thong is hanging out like whoa
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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